


let's dance to joy division

by ikuzonos



Series: DR: TTNH Side Stories [4]
Category: DR: TTNH, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, F/F, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Mixed Bag of Emotions, Prompt Fic, but shoutout if you do, i genuinely dont expect anyone to read these
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-07 14:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21459901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikuzonos/pseuds/ikuzonos
Summary: OC drabbles from tumblr/twitter
Relationships: Fujita Minoru/Kanagaki Kazue, Hasekura Kenta/Yamasaki Itsuki, Ishikawa Asuka/Uchiyama Natsumi, Matsumoto Hikari/Okawa Masuyo
Series: DR: TTNH Side Stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700629
Comments: 16
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

i.

“Here’s some cookies and some very bad news!” Masuyo shouts, slamming a (thankfully plastic) tray down on the table.

Hikari takes a cookie and nibbles on it. It’s decent, she’s improved a lot recently.

Kenta looks more hesitant, “Since when do you know how to bake?”

“Not important!” Masuyo declares, flopping down into the open chair, “Our class has a term paper due in three days!”

Kenta takes a cookie, but doesn’t take a bite from it, “Uh, yeah? I just finished mine last night.”

“I’m wrapping up m-my conclusion,” Hikari adds, “Did… you not know?”

Masuyo tears her hands through her hair, “Literally no idea! You guys have to help me!”

Kenta shrugs, “I mean, we can try. But you didn’t have to waste time baking cookies to bribe us.”

“Oh,” Masuyo says quietly, “Oops.”

Hikari sighs, but a good natured smile stays on her face, “It’s okay. We’ll h-have something to eat while we work.”

ii.

“...What are you doing?”

From twenty feet in the air, Natsumi calls down, “The mountains are calling, and I must skedaddle!”

Asuka frowns, “That doesn’t explain why you’re in a tree.”

Natsumi grins, “Sure it does! Have to climb a tree before you can climb a mountain.”

_ What? _

Asuka pulls herself up a few branches, so she doesn’t have to shout as much, “I’ll humour you. Why are the mountains calling?”

“Every year, they select the most powerful lesbian in the world to be their queen!” Natsumi declares, climbing down so she can sit close to Asuka.

Asuka snorts, “Damn, you stole my title.”

Natsumi giggles, “If you marry me, we can share it!”

Asuka flushes and buries her face in her hands, “I’ll… think about it.”

iii.

Kazue hasn’t left her room in three days.

Asuka stands in the doorway now, watching her. Her eyes are trained directly on the wall, and she is entirely still and silent. She looks like a trainwreck.

“Hey,” Asuka says, approaching her with a water bottle, “Go fill up your human needs. You can’t stay in here forever.”

Kazue looks up, “Ishikawa…?”

Her voice is raw and weak. Her eyes are still red from crying.

Asuka pushes the water bottle into her hands, “Drink. Then please get some sleep.”

Kazue unscrews it, but doesn’t take even the smallest sip. Instead, she mumbles, “I can’t.”

“I’ll get you a straw if you need it,” Asuka says, sitting down next to her, “But you are drinking that entire bottle, you hear me?”

Kazue doesn’t say anything. Her wounds are invisible, but deep.

“They wouldn’t want you to suffer,” Asuka says quietly.

Tears well in Kazue’s eyes. Then, she lifts the water bottle to her lips, and drinks.

iv.

“Next problem. We might die,” Itsuki says, pacing back and forth.

Kenta raises an eyebrow, “Care to clarify?”

Itsuki points at the cat sitting by the door, “That’s Takishida’s cat. Right now, it looks like we stole him.”

“He’s not going to kill us,” Kenta says, “Besides, can’t we just text him and say that we found the cat?”

Itsuki shakes his head, “He doesn’t like either of us! We’re fucked if we can’t sneak the cat back into his dorm!”

“I could ask Uchiyama-kun to bring the cat to him,” Kenta replies, “Problem solved?”

Itsuki frowns, “I don’t trust her to hold her tongue.”

Kenta smiles and leans forwards to ruffle his hair, “C’mon, she can keep a secret. Nobody is going to die today.”

“Except my dignity,” Itsuki mutters.

Kenta chuckles and pecks him on the cheek, “It’ll come back.”

The cat meows indignantly.

“Oh, hush,” Kenta says.

v.

The lights are off.

The two of them lie under the covers, staring up at the ceiling. It’s quiet. It’s heartbreaking.

Under their breath, Minoru whispers, “Let me keep that promise.”

“What promise?” Kazue asks, turning her head.

Minoru starts, “You’re still awake?”

Kazue shrugs, “How could I sleep when you almost died?”

“I’m sorry,” Minoru whispers, shifting closer to her.

Kazue fumbles around for their hand, “Don’t be. Please.”

Minoru admits, “I don’t think I can sleep either. Not after everything you told me.”

Kazue croaks, “You… you  _ do _ believe me, right?”

“Of course,” Minoru says, gripping her hand tightly.

Kazue smiles weakly, then repeats, “What promise?”

Minoru says, “I promised myself that I’d do anything to make sure we both survive. I… I believe we can make it.”

“I love you,” Kazue whispers.

Minoru smiles softly, barely able to keep their eyes open, “I love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i found two more

i.

“You could have just opened the fucking window.”

Natsumi supposes that this is true. She’s currently perched on the rickety fire escape, peering in through the now shattered window at the attractive stranger inside.

Although, she’s not really a stranger at this point.

“I’m sorry, Ishikawa-chan,” Natsumi says, sticking out her lip. “Can you forgive me?”

Ishikawa rolls her eyes. “You know I’m not mad. But seriously, throwing a rock at my window?”

“I wanted your attention!” Natsumi chirps.

Ishikawa opens the window, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Just get in here and help me clean up the glass before my dad gets back.”

Natsumi eagerly climbs inside, glad to be surrounded by warmth. Ishikawa hands her a dust pan, and they get to work.

Maybe they’ll kiss again once they’re done.

ii.

“It’s pointless,” Kazue mumbles, weighed down by several blankets. “I have forgotten everything I’ve ever learned.”

Minoru sighs. “It’s just the flu. You’re not going to die.”

Kazue replies, “The flu is in fact, extremely deadly.”

Minoru smiles. “See, you haven’t forgotten everything. It’s just your fever. Now say ‘ah.’”

“Ah,” Kazue replies with a pout. Minoru gently spoons some soup into her mouth.

They say softly, “See? Not so bad. I made it with lots of ginger, just the way you like it.”

“Thank you,” Kazue says, and she really does seem to mean it, “I can feed myself, though.”

Minoru raises an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. I’m sure the you of yesterday who spilled her lunch all over herself disagrees.”

Kazue pouts again, but accepts the spooned soup.

Minoru chuckles. “I’ve never seen you so grumpy before.”

Kazue mutters, “It’s because I’m diseased.”

Minoru says, “Have a nap after you finish your soup. I think you need some more sleep.”

“Stay with me?” Kazue asks, offering them wide doe eyes.

“Who would take care of you if I got sick?” Minoru replies.

Kazue says, “We’d take care of each other. Like we always do.”

Minoru smiles. “Nice try. Eat your soup.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these ones contain endgame ttnh spoilers lmao. 
> 
> huge emeto warning for the 2nd one & implications of abuse

i.

“I think… everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. To prove they can change,” Minoru says, and you hate that they mean it.

Isn’t it funny. Here you are, head over heels for someone who thinks that anyone can be a good person. Who thinks there is kindness behind every scowl.

They see genuine purity within you, as though your soul hasn’t been stained red with divinity. As though the weight of this killing game isn’t on your hands.

Every day, your peers die. You can see the light slowly seeping out of their eyes. This is the end, the end of the world, and nobody is coming to save them.

When will they all flicker out? When will the shadows in this valley of dead doves be all that remains?

“I do too,” you say, and kiss them, like you’re not a liar, like you don’t have two days until they put a gun to their head, like they’ll still love you when everything is over.

Isn’t. It. Funny.

ii. _just a shadow in your eyes_

The words on the paper swim in front of your, blurring beyond recognition.

Everything is fuzzy and dull. The people around you are speaking, but it’s distant, distant and muted. You can hear your heart pounding. Your unsteady breathing. 

Words, phrases, running through your mind in a haze of darkness and blood. 

You try to speak. It comes out as vomit.

You’re not here or there but you are collapsed on the floor in your own bile, as chaos erupts around you.

A smile and a pair of glasses. A girl your age. She’s touching your face. 

You blink and the hands belong to someone else. A classmate. 

(Classmate? No. There was never any class to begin with. This is a room of strangers.)

The noise is dissipating. You’re barely aware of it all.

You open your eyes and see a middle aged woman with a smile made of knives. Tears flood your eyes because you remember her violation before her name.

(Do not think those words she said.)

Your vision corrects itself. She is not her mother.

You’re sitting up now. You don’t remember making the motion to. Two people are holding you up, while a third stands in front of you. They’re talking.

You open your mouth and vomit spills out. Sobs course through your body. It hurts so much and you still can’t tell  _ why. _

Aren’t soldiers supposed to be strong?

(Soldier? No. There is no mercenary group, no years spent overseas. These are words on a paper read in a dim office.)

Circles are being rubbed on your back. Someone is talking, calm and gentle, but it barely registers.

Eyes, trustworthy, and worried. Fujita. You know the name, know the person, met and interviewed and researched and befriended.

You press a hand to your throat and throw up again.

_ (“Minoru Fujita? Everything about this one is so boring. There’s nothing an audience would want.” _

_ “But isn’t it wonderful to have a character you can do whatever you want with?”) _

One of those sentences is yours. You’re spluttering now, still crying. It’s sinking in, deep and ugly. The fragmented remains of other timelines seep into your skin like rotting sewage. 

(How many times has this already happened?)

Four hands help you stand. Two hold you close and guide you towards a bathroom. You’re screaming, but no noise comes out.

You were worrisome before, with false blood on your hands from a past that does not exist.

You are dangerous now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again.
> 
> i - spoilers for 5 green/summer
> 
> ii - finale spoilers, cw for extremely brief mentions of self-harm/suicide
> 
> iii - finale spoilers, blink and you'll miss it mention of the belladonna trial
> 
> iv - no spoilers but this is definitely unfinished and i have no memory of where i was going with it

i. _elder, gladiolus, zinnia_

Asuka is dead.

Natsumi’s hands shake as she wipes her eyes. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t stop crying. Her throat is on fire and her chest aches as though she’s been stabbed.

She gasps for air, for just enough oxygen to let her scream again. It doesn’t bring her back. It doesn’t accomplish anything at all.

She’s kneeling on the courtroom floor. Her vision has blurred, perhaps permanently. She can’t hear anything except the ringing in her ears, and Asuka’s last words.

Natsumi tears at her hair. She’s still crying, still screaming. Are the others grieving? She has no way of knowing, and in all honesty, doesn’t care. They cannot begin to feel the agony coursing through her. They cannot understand how many constellations will no longer look the same.

Asuka is dead.

There’s a hand on her shoulder. Natsumi flinches back from the touch, baring her teeth like a wild animal. She slowly registers that Minoru is kneeling next to her. She doesn’t ease.

“I’m sorry,” they say softly. Tears are streaking down their face, eyes slowly turning red. “I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now.”

Natsumi spits, “You’re right. You can’t.”

Minoru reaches for her shoulder again, and she swats them away. They look at her with a wounded expression, and once upon a time, she would have apologized. Once upon a time, she would’ve appreciated their attempt at consoling her.

Now, furious bile rises up in her throat, and she glares at them until they stand and move away from her.

Natsumi holds back vomit and tightens her fists until her skin turns white. She’s drowning in a civil war of her own mind.

And Asuka is dead.

ii. _bite to break skin_

Six hours.

Kazue traced her finger along the paint stained floor, outlining the rough blotches of colour. Her stomach was tight.  She dabbed at her watering eyes with her sleeve, keeping one hand on her necklace. She pressed the cross charm between her fingers, trying to ease the sinking feeling in her chest.

Distantly, she heard the art room door open. She didn’t bother to raise her head, too focused on not vomiting.

“Kazue-san? Are you alright?”

Her teeth sunk into her lower lip.

_ Minoru. _

They sat down next to her, lowering their voice appropriately. “You’re crying.”

“It happens,” Kazue muttered, wiping her eyes again, “Don’t worry about me.”

Minoru smiled softly and placed their hand on hers. “Too late. What’s wrong? I’m here if you want to talk.”

Kazue grit her teeth, then admitted, “I’m nervous. No matter what everyone says, someone  _ will _ kill again.”

(Six hours.)

Minoru said, “That’s fair. But I’d like to think the best… and I have no way of predicting the future. So I’m hoping to remain optimistic.”

_ Tsutaya is about to kill Asari and Chiba. _

“I suppose,” Kazue said.

Minoru asked, “Is that all that’s bothering you? You look… like you’re in pain.”

Kazue stared at them for a moment, guilt seeping into her throat. Then, without warning, she began to sob.

Minoru tensed. “Oh, I said something bad. Um, I’m sorry, do you need anything-”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Kazue breathed.

Minoru said, “Well, that’s not true. I know you play with your necklace when you’re nervous-”

Kazue instantly let go of it.

“-and I know that you secretly enjoy sweet foods,” Minoru continued, “You live in Kyoto with your mother. And you hate loud noises.”

Kazue gulped. “That’s… still.”

“It’s not like you’re some expert on me either,” Minoru replied, “We have time, lots of time, to get to know each other.”

Kazue felt her heart skip a beat.

_ You would put chives on everything you ate if you thought it was socially acceptable. You hate coffee but you drink it anyways. You can’t listen to slower songs without getting sad. _

_ Your smile is crooked and you think it’s ugly, but it’s adorable. You tug on your sleeves when you’re upset. You’re scared of the dark so you have a nightlight in your room back home.  _

_ Your hands shake. You’ve never left Japan because you’re scared of flying and get sea sick easily. You don’t know how to ride a bike. You hate doing math. _

_ You can play the violin. You live in Kokubunji with your aunt, because your mom died when you were ten. Your dad absconded to Europe and you hate him for it, but you still write him letters. He doesn’t reply. _

_ You chew on your lip. You hunch over when you’re scared. You hate feeling cold and wear layers to avoid this. You can’t stand the smell of smoked salmon. You never want to fall asleep because you get nightmares easily, and they haunt you for weeks. _

_ You had never been kissed before you met me. _

_ You have a low pain tolerance despite years of self harm. You’ve been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts, at fourteen and sixteen. You hate yourself more than you hate anyone else in the world. _

_ You have a Pekingese named Yuu and a hamster named Mochi. You never have nightmares when Yuu is pressed up against you. _

_ You ramble without filter when you’re nervous. You’re terrified of sharp objects. Your name means ‘wisteria that bears fruit.’ You think that’s stupid, but it’s precious. _

_ Your eyes shine when you get excited and you cover your mouth. You’re quick to tear up but you try to hide it whenever it happens. You have the most beautiful smile in the world. _

_ You love me. _

“I suppose you’re right,” Kazue lied, shifting herself closer to them.

Minoru gently placed one hand on her cheek, half cupping her face. “Thank you. Can… Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” she replied softly.

Minoru leaned forwards and softly pressed their lips against hers. For a moment, neither of them moved, until they shifted slightly to press their forehead against Kazue’s.

“I love you,” they whispered.

Tears silently pricked in her eyes, rolling down her face.

“I love you too.”

Discreetly, she glanced at her watch.

Five hours.

iii. _counting stars on the ceiling_

The cup of coffee on the table is cold.

Masuyo is stuck staring straight ahead, taking in every inch of Hikari’s face. She looks a lot different in plain, black street clothes. Still beautiful, but radically different. Her hair is longer now, tied into one messy braid, and her old sunhat has been replaced with a beanie.

The only thing that remains the same are her stark white, lace gloves.

Masuyo supposes though, that she’s being a little unfair. She looks different in the hospital gown that’s clinging to her ribs.

“They w-were saying that you might n-not wake up,” Hikari speaks first, clasping her hands together. Masuyo can’t tell if she’s shaking because of the blasting air conditioner, or from nerves. Maybe both.

“I didn’t think I would either,” Masuyo says carefully, drawing a figure eight on the cafeteria table with her finger. “I _wanted_ to wake up, to see you and everyone else again more than anything. But I was so scared that it would be my ending."  


Hikari whispers, “I’m glad it w-wasn’t.”

Silence falls between them for several long seconds. Masuyo had a lot of things that she planned to say, but now that she’s face to face with Hikari again, all of them have left her head.

Where would she even start? ‘I never stopped loving you’? Her mouth takes on an ugly taste- the taste of the breathing mask that was stuck to her face when she opened her eyes again.  Masuyo doesn’t remember those first few days very well. Bright lights and horrible darkness and crushing pain. Musty air and blistering aches and Hikari’s arms thrown around her.

“Were you really waiting for me the whole time?” Masuyo asks, instead of all the questions she prepared.

Hikari shrugs. “Y-You would have done the s-same for me.”

It’s true. Without hesitation. The moment Masuyo knew about the simulation, she was ready to wait up for Hikari, even if it took the rest of her life.

“You look nice,” Masuyo says quickly, to fill the gap between them.

Hikari tugs on her gloves. “T-Thank you. You, um…”

Masuyo leans back on the metal folding chair.“I know I look like hell.”

Hikari says, “I wouldn’t h-have said that.”

Maybe not, but it’s the truth. Whenever Masuyo looks in the mirror - which isn’t often, because she hates the person she sees in the cracked, dirty glass - she can see an exhaustion that was never present before.

Masuyo asks, “What do you remember about the killing game?”

Hikari shifts slightly. “M-My memories are still unclear. But I r-remember the garden… and I remember k-killing… I remember you.”

Masuyo swallows, and glances at her long forgotten coffee cup.

“Matsui-san showed me s-some of the tapes,” Hikari continues, “A highlight reel of y-your actions, if you will.”

The heat of the fabricated infirmary places its hands on her shoulders and she croaks, “What… did you see?”

Hikari says, “T-Too much. I didn’t w-want to see you hurt… or d-dying.”

Masuyo shudders.  She doesn’t remember the details of her own execution, but the sensation of being crushed into a small ball will never leave her.

Awkward silence again. When Masuyo pictured their reunion, it hadn’t been like this. Her stomach twists. There’s so much she wants to tell Hikari, but none of it will come out.

Hikari asks suddenly, “Did y-you love me? In the simulation?”

It’s a loaded question. The answer is obvious, but there’s so many layers to it. Masuyo loved Hikari.  _ Loves _ Hikari. Even now, her heart still pangs for her, for a lost love who’s only a foot away.

She isn’t sure if she could love anyone else as much as she did -  _ does  _ \- Hikari Matsumoto.

“Yeah. I did,” is all Masuyo manages in the end.

Hikari tugs softly on her braid. “I think I d-did too.”

iv. _stray lantern_

The sky was a gorgeous shade of pink. Asuka’s eyes would have been glued to it on a normal evening - loathe to admit it as she was, she was a sucker for sunsets - but on this particular day, she was too preoccupied with Natsumi Uchiyama.

Something about the blonde was so weirdly enticing. Asuka had trouble putting it into words, but it was enough to evoke a funny feeling in her chest whenever she spoke. And that didn’t even begin to go into what occurred whenever Natsumi smiled.

Asuka wasn’t entirely sure what she was talking about at the moment - conversations with her were often hard to follow - but she kept nodding along and making commentary when she could.

Really, she just wanted to listen to Natsumi talk. Her voice could make flowers grow. Even if what she was saying made absolutely no sense (earlier, she'd spent two hours arguing that jesters were an invasive species) Asuka found herself enraptured by it.  


The logical answer was very simple; Natsumi was very cute and Asuka was very gay. But emotionally, she didn't understand what exactly it was that made the girl so endlessly interesting to her. What _specifically_ was making her heart almost beat out of her chest?

That was something she was almost terrified to find out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i - finale spoilers, requested by rilie
> 
> ii - finale spoilers, panic attacks, requested anonymously

i. _running from something larger than yourself_

The sun is bright today, but the autumn air carries a chill. Tsumugi is beginning to regret choosing an outdoor table at this cafe. At the very least, her company doesn’t seem bothered. Though in truth, it’s become much harder for her to read Kazue’s expressions.

When they were stupid teenagers in the mouth of the devil, she learned to understand even the slightest changes in her face. But now, even as she shows much more emotion than she used to, it’s as if she’s a different person.

Though, Tsumugi is different too. She would have to be, to survive in this world. They’ve both come a long way from how they were at seventeen.

A light breeze runs through the air, tussling Tsumugi’s hair. She shivers and shrinks into her sweater, wishing she’d worn a warmer one.

Kazue quietly sips her tea. “It’s been a while. How are you doing these days?”

“Better,” Tsumugi answers after a moment, fiddling with a loose string on her sweater. Why is she nervous? “I’ve been making an effort to go out every day. I don’t always succeed, but… I’m much better than I was, even a year ago.”

Kazue smiles, and it feels like the sun is growing warmer. “I’m glad to hear that. I think I’ve been doing better myself. Though sometimes, it’s not so easy.”

“Really? You seem like you have it all together,” Tsumugi says, adjusting her glasses. She’s finding it hard to look directly at her ex-girlfriend. Maybe that’s guilt.

Kazue chuckles. “I appreciate hearing that. But it’s only natural that such a traumatic incident weights on me. And you too, of course.”

Tsumugi smiles. It feels plastic.

“Especially since it was three years ago, yesterday,” Kazue adds softly.

Tsumugi takes a peek at her phone to check the date. September twenty-first. “You mean when the simulation ended?”

Kazue sighs and leans back in her seat, closing her eyes. “Mhm. Sometimes, it feels like I never left it.”

Tsumugi says, “I understand that. I’m always dreaming about my killing game. Like everything since then wasn’t real. It’s horrible.”

Neither of them speak. Tsumugi stares at her coffee for a few moments, unable to lift the mug to her lips. Her arms feel heavy, like she has rocks inside them. “Is that why you wanted to reschedule our meeting?”

Kazue nods, a faint smile coming back to her face. “I’m sorry it was so last minute. Asuka’s father insisted that all of us gather for dinner. I don’t think that many people were ever ment to fit into his flat.”

Tsumugi chuckles. From everything she’s heard about Asuka Ishikawa and her father, it seems on brand. “You all had fun, at least?”

“Of course,” Kazue replied, “It was wonderful to see everyone again. Chiba’s gotten taller.”

Tsumugi reflects on her fellow survivors. It’s been months since she’s seen any of them in person. It’s gotten harder for her to reach out to them. Perhaps it’s time she made a proper effort. She misses them, even if they despise her for her role.

She thinks that she used to know Kazue better. That her newfound unease and uncertainty comes from the violence and death they both lived through, that the two of them have merely grown apart as they grew up.

But as she watches her face, her posture, and the silver ring on her right hand, Tsumugi wonders if she ever knew Kazue at all.

“Sometimes, I wish you died,” Kazue says suddenly. Tsumugi looks up at her, horror spreading across her face as she processes it. The worst part is that Kazue doesn’t sound angry. Just sad.

“Ah,” is all she manages to say in reply.

Kazue folds her hands around her tea. “I ruined my life for you. That’s not something I can take lightly. I put myself through months and months more of horror and heartache, all because I was convinced you were dead.”

“If it’s any consolation, I was convinced I was dead too,” Tsumugi says. It sounds like a joke in horrible taste as soon as it comes out of her mouth, but Kazue’s lips turn up.

Kazue murmurs, “I know it’s selfish and cruel. But sometimes, I find myself wishing that you had died. So that my suffering in your name meant something.”

Tsumugi reaches across the table to put a hand on her wrist. It’s the first time she’s touched Kazue in years. “I don’t blame you. But you’re wrong. It did mean something.”

Kazue frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“If you hadn’t stolen the AI in my name, Nagano would’ve—” she flinches— “had full control over your killing game. And she would’ve won. Because of what you did… you saved several innocent lives.”

Kazue quietly considers her words. Tsumugi draws her hand back and takes a sip of her coffee. It’s lukewarm.

A jingling tone pierces the cold air. Kazue reaches into her pocket to look at her phone. “Ah, Minoru’s going to be here in a couple minutes. We’re getting groceries, so I can’t stay.”

Tsumugi smiles. “Oh, I understand! Please, don’t let me keep you. And tell them I say hello!”

Kazue tucks her phone away and gets to her feet. “Certainly. Take care, Tsumugi.”

“You too!” she calls out, waving to her as Kazue goes to stand by the curb.

Tsumugi sits at the table, watching for a few minutes as Kazue’s fiance comes running down the block. Kazue breaks into the brightest smile Tsumugi’s ever seen as they get close to her. She can’t hear what they’re talking about from so far away, but the sight of their animated chatter makes her heart ache.

As the two of them walk away, hand in hand, Tsumugi stares down at her lap and wonders if maybe, just maybe, she’s longing for something she will never be able to have.

It’s always been like this, hasn’t it? She’s always wanted the impossible. Maybe she hasn’t changed at all from five years ago. Maybe she’s still weak.

Tsumugi pulls out her phone, and after a minute of silent deliberation, dials Harukawa’s number. As it rings in her hand, she closes her eyes and prays she’ll pick up.

It’s the only way for her to move on.

ii. _the bodies decompose eventually_

She dreams of a hill in the mountains bathed in sunlight, and wakes up screaming. For several minutes, as she grasps at the folds of her quilt and catches her breath, she is still on the hill in her mind, still bathed in sunlight and tragedy.

She is not there. She has not been there for ten years. It has not stopped her from dreaming about it every night.

The apartment is dark. She could look for the clock to determine what time it is, or she could sit here and think about how it never stops. It never stops and it’s going to be bad forever. Awful. 

Her spouse is asleep beside her. They’ve been married six years. She thinks about waking them and asking for help, but there is already guilt seeping into her lungs. Instead, she slowly lies back down amidst her thumping heart, and promises herself that she’ll wake them if it happens again.

She dreams of a hotel room and a woman standing at the end of the bed she is lying on, a woman who was incarcerated ten years ago and has been dead for two. She’s tied down, and the woman smiles at her with a mouth made of knives before inching closer and closer until—

Until she wakes up, not screaming this time, but struggling to breathe. She’s shaking so bad that she can barely process anything around her. Is she safe? Is she at home? Was her survival real?

Her spouse snores beside her, and she grabs their arm and shakes them as her vision blurs and blurs. “Help. Help me. Help me. Help me. Minoru. Help.”

“Where’s the fire?” they murmur, eyes flickering open. They’re barely conscious, and she’s shuddering like she’s in a hurricane.

“Help,” she whimpers. None of the other words she wants to say will come out.

Minoru finds her hand under the covers and holds it tightly. They yawn and say, “Focus on something you can see. Something that isn’t moving. Do you have something?”

She can see her coat, draped over the bedpost. She nods.

“Good. I want you to keep looking at it, and listen to my voice,” Minoru says, still sounding bleary. This has happened so many times before. “You’re safe at home, Kazue. We’re the only ones here. Your dream was awful, and I’m sorry, but it was a dream. You’re here with me, and I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

Her breathing begins to calm, but she’s still shaking. Kazue murmurs, “Please don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t,” Minoru promises, leaning on her shoulder. “If you can get up, I’ll make you tea. If not, we can stay here.”

Kazue’s legs can move. She whispers, “I want matcha.”

Minoru’s smile is soft. “Okay. Here, I’ll help you walk.”

She slowly gets up, leaning on them instead of on her cane, until she’s able to sit down in their little kitchen. Minoru bustles around with the tea, occasionally coming back over to check on her, until it’s done. They sit across from her, holding her hand as the two of them drink tea in near silence.

It will never go away completely, she knows. But at the very least, she’ll always have someone on her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i - It starts with bloodshed, always bloodshed, always the same running from something larger than yourself story.
> 
> ii - Can we love nature for what it really is: predatory? We do not walk through a passive landscape. The paint dries eventually. The bodies decompose eventually. We collide with place, which is another name for God, and limp away with a permanent injury.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for "send me a number from 1-100 and a character/pairing and ill write something based on whatever song on my spotify wrapped playlist it corresponds with", except Crow accidentally picked the most painful song related to TTNH.
> 
> So, uh, endgame spoilers, but I feel like if you've clicked on this you know that already.
> 
> [Bite to Break Skin - Senses Fail](https://open.spotify.com/track/2cHu9HRqxVlS7MGSSb29Yh?si=SMlR6LNyQjG_j4JXqyUx7w)

The past two months – or perhaps more accurately, fifty-five hundred years – have bled together on so many occasions that almost they’re impossible to differentiate, but this one very unfortunately sticks out.

“I know it’s you, Kanagaki,” Asuka whispers. The only light in the harsh darkness comes from the candle above their heads. Her hands are shaking.

Kazue silently reaches into her pocket. Her fingers close around the hilt of the knife, and she grits her teeth. She’s tired; they’re _all_ tired. But the blood of an empire weighs heaviest on her own shoulders. When she presses the knife to Asuka’s throat, the girl doesn’t look surprised, but still betrayed.

“I trusted you,” Asuka murmurs. Candle wax drips down between them, splattering on their shoes.

Kazue replies, “That was your first mistake.” They’re both battered, broken souls. The void is calling to them both, and it’s just a question of who will be taken first.

Asuka scowls, despite the situation. She’s pressed against the wall, and there’s no escape. “Your hands are shaking like a fucking hurricane.”

Kazue digs her teeth into her lips. In another life, Asuka would follow her into the sun. In another life, neither of them are crying. In this one, Kazue croaks, “Talking isn’t going to save you.”

“You’ve never killed anyone before, have you?” Asuka asked. There’s a horrible gleam in her eyes, one that knows. Knows of sins past, present, and future. Kazue presses the blade closer against her throat.

The candlelight wavers.

“I’ve never killed a friend,” Kazue says. It’s a lie, technically. She’s killed so many of her friends in different lives. In this one, Asuka is the first. Asuka is the first and it’s going to kill them both.

Asuka spits, “That’s not what I–”

Kazue slashes Asuka’s throat. She slumps down against the wall as the candle flickers out. She throws the knife down, unflinching as it clatters on the floor.

“It’s okay. Next time, you’ll kill me.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for "send me a number from 1-100 and a character/pairing and ill write something based on whatever song on my spotify wrapped playlist it corresponds with", except I forgot I wrote this until Sil reblogged the tumblr post lmao.
> 
> Finale spoilers.
> 
> [Piece of Your Heart - Mayday Parade](https://open.spotify.com/track/2ZMHNMMft1Yp6nLPjR4zM9?si=BzYPeh37QFqLpfy5_Tp3Pg)

“I’m not stupid. I know you like me,” Asuka mutters. She sits on the floor with her knees to her chest, pressing her face into them so she doesn’t have to look at anyone. Annoyingly, her eyes are starting to water, and she does her best to force it to stop.

Natsumi shuffles closer. Their arms brush tentatively for a split second. “I’ve never thought of you as stupid. Actually, you’re probably the smartest person I know.”

Asuka says, “Now you’re just trying to flatter me. It won’t work.”

“I’m telling the truth,” Natsumi insists. Asuka betrays herself by looking over at her, and sees that Natsumi’s fingers are tangled in her own hair. “I know I’m a lot sometimes, but I mean it when I say I care about you.”

Asuka snorts. “You’re not ‘a lot.’ You’re funny, and sweet, and so fucking positive it makes my head hurt. I dunno how you manage to be so chipper, considering the state of the goddamn world. Considering…”

Considering Natsumi went home to a cardboard box in an alleyway every night.

“When I smile, it makes it easier to forget what’s happening,” Natsumi replies, reaching over and placing her hand on Asuka’s knee. “I’m pretty good at tricking myself into thinking I’m happy.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“A little, yeah.”

They’re quiet for a few minutes. Asuka’s house creaks in the windstorm outside. They have a few hours to sit there, at war with themselves, before her father comes home. And it’s not that he’d react adversely to Natsumi, whether or not he suspected that Asuka is in love with her. It’s that she’s fucking terrified to make Natsumi permanent.

Terrified that she’ll ruin her, like she’s ruined everything in her life before now.

Asuka whispers, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be so goddamn difficult all the time.”

“I don’t think you’re difficult,” Natsumi replies instantly. She rests her head on Asuka’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m scared too. I don’t know what’ll happen in the future, considering I spend every single day wondering if I’ll survive. Never mind what happens if one of us…”

She doesn’t say it. She doesn’t have to. Asuka knows all too well that if one of them gets on the newest season of _Dangan Ronpa, _there’s a strong chance they’ll be murdered on live television. Asuka at the very least is desperate to live as long as she can through it, because her father will get a bigger payout based on how long she lasts, but Natsumi has nothing to live for.

Except, maybe, Asuka herself. And that’s so messed up that she doesn’t know where to start with it. And isn’t that all the more reason not to pursue some kind of relationship? Even if it makes her chest ache?

Instead of facing the battle instead her head, Asuka says, “It’s supposed to snow tonight. You should stay here.”

“What about your dad?” Natsumi asks.

Asuka says, “Don’t even think about that. You could end up with frostbite or hypothermia out there. At least we’ve got a roof.”

Natsumi whispers, “You’re too good to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you.”

“I always feel like I should be saying that about you,” Asuka admits, rubbing her neck. “You’re the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.”

“That’s tragic,” Natsumi mumbles. From anyone else, Asuka would assume it was sarcasm, but the blonde’s voice is so thick with sincerity that it hurts.

It’ll hurt if nothing happens between them. It’ll hurt if one or, god forbid, both of them are on the next _Dangan Ronpa_ roster. It’ll hurt if Natsumi never comes back. If every single path connecting the two of them leads to agony, then fuck it. Asuka wants the slightest bit of gratification. A molecule of hope.

“Hey. Look at me.”

Natsumi does so, her brown eyes warm and forgiving. Asuka grabs her wrists and closes the gap between them. The skin on her lips is rough and dry, but she wouldn’t change it for anything else in the world.

When she pulls away, Natsumi murmurs, “You didn’t have to do that.”

Asuka laughs, despite herself. “What, do you think I kiss people out of pity?”

Natsumi smiles ever so softly, but the look in her eyes is akin to that of a wounded animal. Then, she says, “In that case, maybe you should do it again.”

Asuka pulls Natsumi closer, leaning into her embrace, and trying not to think about how she feels like a blanket, like a bunker, like the last safe place at the end of the world, like home.

Outside, the wind howls.


End file.
